(no subject)

Something's just not right. I shouldn't be feeling this way. I shouldn't be this upset. I shouldn't be sick to my stomach. I shouldn't be losing my apetite. I just shouldn't be like this. Why do I feel like shit? Why does it bother me so much that I can't find out how she's doing? Why is it so wrong to ask someone who knows her how she's doing? That's all I wan to know. I want to know how her panic attacks have been, I want to know so much, but I can't. Christ, just because I broke up with her doesn't mean I don't care anymore. I'm not the heartless bastard she wants me to be. I just don't work that way. I just wish that she'd see that. I wish she'd stop running my name through the mud. I wish she's stop and see things the way other people do. That there are two sides to the story.
She never once tried to help me. It was always about her. I've had my share of problems, and yeah, she helped sometimes, but other times just blew me off. What does she ask in return? Everything.
It's funny, I realized the other day that she was a bit of a hypocrit. She always complained that I never thanked her for the things she did (which I did), and yet, when she got home from work, I had the dishes washed (or was in the process of doing them), and supper was either ready, or being started. Yet, I never heard a thank you. I don't get it. Why is it ALL my fault?
It's not my fault she took away my self esteem. Ever notice that you lose self esteem when you're always the one who has to start things in bed? Ever notice that you lose self esteem when someone doesn't pay attention to your needs? Ever noticed that it really sucks?

(no subject)

I'm happy now. *big sigh*
Michelle's talking to me again. We may not have a whole lot to say, but I feel better.

On a down note...got stood up. Very unhappy about this. VERY unhappy.