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Jul. 17th, 2007 12:55 pmI'm still reeling from yesterday.
It's been 6 years since the accident that took the life of a wonderful young woman (Skye can attest to this). She had an air about her that I can't describe. Skye calls her our angel among us. I think even that isn't enough.
I loved Paula very much*. I gave so much of myself, and for the first time, truly opened up to someone and gave them everything that I was. I was ready to do anything and go anywhere with her at the drop of a hat.
When she died, something happened. I lost who I was. I closed myself off to the world. I shut everyone out. "They can't hurt me if they can't get inside." It's hard for me to get past that, but I'm working on it.
This year was different. It's been 6 years...throw a leap year in the mix, and you've got July 16th falling on a Monday for the first time since the accident. I've been off. I'm still here and doing my thing, but I'm off.
I appreciate the support I get from everyone, especially Kim (for putting up with me and being so patient).
( I wrote this back in 1999 )
*one must keep in mind that we were only dating for roughly 6 weeks...so we were still in the "honeymoon stage". How things would have progressed past those 6 weeks if she were still here, I don't know. I'll never know. All I know is that I've mad ea damned good life for myself over the past 6 years, and wouldn't change it for anything. Yes, I sometimes wonder where I'd be or what I'd be doing now, if she were still alive...but those are just questions that will never have an answer.
It's been 6 years since the accident that took the life of a wonderful young woman (Skye can attest to this). She had an air about her that I can't describe. Skye calls her our angel among us. I think even that isn't enough.
I loved Paula very much*. I gave so much of myself, and for the first time, truly opened up to someone and gave them everything that I was. I was ready to do anything and go anywhere with her at the drop of a hat.
When she died, something happened. I lost who I was. I closed myself off to the world. I shut everyone out. "They can't hurt me if they can't get inside." It's hard for me to get past that, but I'm working on it.
This year was different. It's been 6 years...throw a leap year in the mix, and you've got July 16th falling on a Monday for the first time since the accident. I've been off. I'm still here and doing my thing, but I'm off.
I appreciate the support I get from everyone, especially Kim (for putting up with me and being so patient).
( I wrote this back in 1999 )
*one must keep in mind that we were only dating for roughly 6 weeks...so we were still in the "honeymoon stage". How things would have progressed past those 6 weeks if she were still here, I don't know. I'll never know. All I know is that I've mad ea damned good life for myself over the past 6 years, and wouldn't change it for anything. Yes, I sometimes wonder where I'd be or what I'd be doing now, if she were still alive...but those are just questions that will never have an answer.
