(no subject)

You're doing slightly better than I am. Everywhere I go, I'm reminded of my baby. The only way I've been able to get away was when I left the state and went to VA. That's been the only time. And even then I wasn't completely away because the damn Osmond 2nd Generation fags (apologies to any offended) had to play fucking Aerosmith. I get chills from the footprints. How strange. It's quite symbolic. She left footprints. She's left footprints on you and on me. She left her imprint. She left herself. She left a lasting impression on every single person she met. I have yet to go a day without thinking about her, since the day I met her. I know for damn sure that I'll never forget her. It's such a tragic thing. It's been a month since it happened, and it's still fresh in my mind like it happened yesterday. It eats away at me. Some days I wonder if I can make it through the rest of the day, let alone the rest of my life. Some days I consider calling it quits. Then I think about everyone else. Is that really fair to them? Hell no. So I keep going. Was it fair for Paula that she was taken away from a good life? Not bloody likely. Is it fair that we get to keep going, and she doesn't? No, it's not. It makes the days that much harder. I miss her more than anything in the world. I'd give up everything just to see her one more time. *swallows* It's extremely difficult to keep going. But what else can we do? Stick it out. Keep going. Keep growing. Keep growing spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally. Take this experience, and learn from it. When you feel all else is lost, look around. Look around and see what you've got. You've got a great man there. He loves you and you love him. Cherish that. Cherish every minute of it. You never know when it may be the last. Just when you think you can't take it anymore, open your eyes. Look into the eyes of all your friends. Look deep into the eyes of all the people that care about you. Look into the eyes of all the people that love and support you. They're there to help. Whether it's just saying hi, or getting into a deep intellectual conversation about the meaning of life, or the vast stretches of outerspace and what could possibly be out there. Just remember that we're here. Some closer than others. Some in a physical sense, some in a cyber sense. Some will slow you down as you fall. Others will be waiting to catch you. Just keep your eyes and heart open. The world will seem a better place if you do. The world will be a better place. You will feel better about yourself. You will feel more comfortable. You will be able to move on. You will be able to continue. Remeber, she was an angel on earth. She was my angel. She was many people's angel. She could only watch one person at a time here though. Now that she's gone, she can watch over all of us. She can share herself with everyone. She can share her goodness, kindness, and love with all of us. She WILL make us better people. She changed my life. I know she's changed yours. Keep going!

Ok...am I long winded enough? lol
now that I'm about to cry, I'm going to go