Oh what a world.

Yesterday was a great day. Got to go down to Geneseo and hang out with Tori. Sure, all we did was sit and watch tv and talk. But it was great. I personally think that there's more to it than just being around her. Sure, I'm craving companionship, but don't you think that if that was all I was after that I'd want to be around my other female friends? I think so...but that's not the way it is for me.

She's unbelievable. she mentioned to me at the UR party that she has a "list" of what she's looking for in a guy...haven't asked her what that is yet...don't know if I will. If I do ask, and I'm not everything on that list, then I"ll try to change myself, and that's not what I want to do. If "me" isn't what she's after, then, as hard as it may be, I will just have to grin and bear the fact that anyhting other than friendship wouldn't work out. But anyway...got off on a tangent. She has a list....so do I. I keep trying to find faults in her...something that I can't stand. I just can't do it! She's confident, secure, knows where she's going, independent, but not so much that she won't ask for something if she needs it, funny, she listens to me, she's just an all 'round wonderful person. A true joy to be around. All of my other friends just bore me really...not to the extent of falling asleep listening to some story they're telling, but they just don't "do it" for me.

I'm just really confused...and scared. I don't want to push anything. Yet, I don't want to wait too long that I miss my opportunity. I feel I've gotten through the total loneliness of my breakup...that feeling where you think you need to be wiht someone 24/7, or just want to be by yourself. I've gotten past the "I want to screw everything in sight" phase. I've gotten past the "I just broke out of my leash so let's run around like a mad man", and am now at the, "ok...I ran loose...now what?"

Of course, like always, there's another guy...
As far as I can tell, she's veyr happy with this guy. "Giddy" kept being mentioned yesterday. Why does that always happen to me? But hey, the important thing is that she's happy. If all I am is that "nice guy" in her life, then I guess I'll have to deal with that. Take what I can get, ya know?
Grrrrrrrr.........

Need to talk to some people...see if we can figure some of this stuff out.
If anyone has any comments, please feel free to give me your 2 cents. . . . . . . .

(no subject)

Ahhh....wonderful gym. I must keep telling myself this so that I keep going....Nothing like voluntarily torturing oneself to make themselves seem more attractive to others. Go figure! Oh yeah...makes me feel better too...but that's not the point.

Oh yeah...I've been put in my place...might as well make myself comfy...thinking I'm going to be here a while. Ah well. Can't complain too much...it's got a great view!